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Scheme of perfection in psychology: “The more I love, the colder I get”

Most people are unaware of the underlying causes of their actions. Somehow they believe that the whole problem is in themselves, but they believe that their own beings create this problem. Especially people who have love for someone, when they get the same love from the other person, they immediately start to move away. Here, expert psychologists explained the truth behind this problem…

You may be one of the millions of people who have a perfection scheme in psychology, if you feel alienated by the other person’s appreciation of you and saying nice words, or if you are interested and interested in characters who will never be interested in you.



Explaining that the perfection schema is actually caused by the feeling of worthlessness, experts have revealed that such schemas begin to form early in our lives and are formed in line with our emotions, our selves, and our connections with other people. People with the perfection schema are famous for feeling that they are innately worthless, flawed, insignificant, but actually having this kind of thinking only in their own depths. It comes to light when some needs are not met as a child, and sometimes they are met too much. It provides the perception of relationships in different dimensions with the experiences gained from childhood.

alone person


The feeling of worthlessness, known as the perfection schema, is about constantly creating situations that make you feel flawed. The individual who makes an effort to avoid this situation cannot get away from this issue too much.

⇒ The person can bow to situations that will make him feel worthless and act with the perception that he is.

⇒ While he is attracted to the opposite sex, he may become cold as soon as he realizes that he is valued, or he may fall in love with someone who will not show him interest. In the face of this situation, one actually “I’m worthless don’t love me”Experts explaining that they have a perception of “Nobody loves me anyway”reported that they have such a perception.

⇒ Excessive sensitivity to rejection and criticism. It’s always someone else to blame for the problems.

⇒ In general, you can choose critical and rejecting partners. You may not like those who find you valuable. In this case, the following sentence may be very familiar to you: “What would I like about someone who likes someone like me!”

⇒ There may be a need to stay away from close and social relationships. It is explained as the state of not allowing your perfection to be noticed by others.

⇒ You can be extremely jealous and ambitious when you feel imperfect – the perception that no one else should notice.

⇒ Either you will be the best or you will not. Because you are imperfect, everything else must be perfect. Depending on this, you may prefer to hang out with a group or friends that you just feel perfect with. Therefore, you make friends with people who are uglier or unsuccessful than you.

the criticized child


The critical nature of most families reveals this situation after the stage in which children pass into adulthood. The child who is not appreciated, not seen as successful, constantly criticized, feels worthless in the future and continues his life by accepting this situation. If you are the one who is not preferred during an injustice in the family, and your parents have always said that you are bad, you are not successful like others, if they always underline that you are naughty and mischievous. worthless”may be the reason.

couple arguing


  • When you’re with your partner, you either feel inferior or feel inferior.
  • Your partner may be very attractive and always wanted, but the moment he came to you for you, all his value was lost. Because, in your opinion, his fault is that he loves someone as imperfect as you.
  • People outside may say that you are either too hot or too cold. Because if there is a perfect person, you can be cold, if there is a flawed person, you can be warm-blooded.
  • You can be extremely jealous and possessive.
  • When someone tells you that they love you, you constantly need validation and reaffirmation.
  • If you have a child or younger sibling, you can go to work with constant criticism and shouting.
  • You may want to give up at the slightest rejection or criticism in your career life, and you may be hopeless and depressed.
  • If you have the Imperfection Scheme, you may be avoiding dating or dating altogether. You may perceive the opposite sex as harmful or unnecessary. Solitude may seem more attractive to you.

peaceful person


Experts who made a statement on this subject suggested that a start should be made based on the support of the psychologist and the recovery of self-esteem. He explained that although many people have it, an expert view is needed to eliminate and balance this distress, which everyone thinks is only for himself, but apart from that, his perspective on people has changed with therapy, and he can communicate with people without more realistic and false evidence. In this way, the experts stated that you can do the things you want to do but cannot do with others, and underlined that it is never too late for you to realize and value yourself.

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