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Advice from an expert to young couples: Have a child after 2 years!

At the Close Relations Symposium organized by Altınbaş University, the subject of ‘similar and divergent aspects of happy marriage and motherhood’ was discussed. prof. Dr. Öget Öktem Tanör gave striking explanations on the subject and gave advice to young couples about happy marriage and children.

prof. Dr. Öget Öktem Tanör noted that the neurobiological infrastructure of the feeling of love began to be investigated only in the 2000s, with the development of technology. British scientist Semir Zeki and his team explained that in their research on scientific understanding of love, it was determined that common areas of the brain activate in both romantic love and maternal love. prof. Dr. Öget Öktem Tanör stated that the stress hormones, which are high in romantic loves, started to decrease after 2 years. “This is the best time for those who want to have children. Because for couples in love, stress hormones are very high for 2 years. They really see no one but each other. That’s why we recommend 2 years later to raise children. Stress hormones should drop a little so that they can see their children and raise their babies.” “made its assessments.

Advice for married couples


The opening speech of the symposium held at Altınbaş University Gayrettepe Campus was made by Dean of the Faculty of Economics, Administrative and Social Sciences Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen did it. prof. Dr. Özen stated that the pandemic has made our close relations difficult and distanced people from each other. He said that most of us thought that we would not be able to get together after the pandemic, but it was happy that people started to hug again without a big problem. Expressing his condolences to those who lost their lives in the earthquake disaster that we experienced a short time ago, and patience to the survivors, Prof. Dr. Care, “This disaster has shown once again that we are a nation that can bring the far away closer, even in such moments, that pain can bring us closer to each other.”said.

“Have a child 2 years after marriage”


Speaking about the neural foundations of love at the symposium, Prof. Dr. Öget Öktem Tanör stated that love is one of the strongest, most enthusiastic and subjective moods for people. He stated that the investigation of what happens in the brain at these moments can only be done with the use of devices such as Functional Emar and pads. At this point, he referred to the findings of a study conducted by scientist Semir Zeki in England. prof. Dr. Tanor, “According to this, couples who are madly in love with each other are shown pictures of their loved ones and their brain functions are monitored. Then a picture of a friend they love very much is shown and the differences are examined. The same team also does this work for mothers. A picture of a baby with a very cute head is shown. It has been seen that there are common areas that are active in the brains of couples and mothers who are at the peak of love. When these brain regions called emission are activated, the reward system is activated and the person feels like he has won a prize. An indescribable sense of happiness It accompanies people. We know that the same regions are also activated in drug use and today these are addictive regions.”made his statements.

However, noting that serotonin decreases in the body as much as in obsession neuroses, Prof. Dr. Tanör said, “The effect of this on the person in love is that he thinks he loves himself, and that he wants to adjust all his daily routines and clothes accordingly. Just like Cahit Külebi said in a poem “Trucks carry melons, I used to think about it.”  That’s right, a decrease in serotonin causes a kind of obsession.”he said.

Love is like labor pains


Stating that there is a tremendous increase in Oxytocin and Vasopressin hormones in people in love, Prof. Dr. Tanör noted that these are also known as commitment hormones. “Oxytocin causes the smooth muscles to contract. Even childbirth happens with the contraction of these muscles. This hormone is high in lovers, and contractions are felt in the muscles similar to childbirth.” He used his expressions. Stating that vasopressin is also at high levels in lovers, Prof. Dr. Tanor, “This is the source of the feeling of couples in love walking hand in hand and arm in arm, and the feeling of embracing their child in mothers. The difference in maternal love is that there is no dopamine secretion and the hypothalamus is not stimulated. This also expresses the sexual attraction that couples feel towards each other. Of course, this is not the case in the mother-child relationship. It is different for mothers. Another area that is actively active is the section that evaluates faces. This section is very active in the mother since the baby cannot speak yet. Because the mother has to look at the baby’s face and understand her needs.”said.


prof. Dr. Tanör pointed out that as an interesting finding, in both cases, those who saw their loved ones or mothers who saw their baby had brain regions that stopped working. “The theory of mind, which we can express as the function of seeing the inside of people, becomes dysfunctional at this point. Love is truly blind. When you see that a person is madly in love with someone who has negative traits, you think he has lost his mind. Yes, indeed, the person in love is the theory of mind of his mind. He does not see the flaws and the truth, and the person he loves is exalted.”evaluated as.

Advice for married couples


prof. Dr. Tanör also made some suggestions for couples to transition from romantic love to mature love. “If couples in love take care of each other as if they “grow flowers” for the first 2 years and have been able to establish a separate friendship, their situation turns into mature love when the stress hormones drop. In relationships that turn into spiritual unity, the pleasure of watching the movie together and the taste of traveling together are felt completely different. This is the mental theory. You start to work in mature loves, you see the flaws of the other person, but you can accept him as he is. spoke as Finally, he reminded that in order to establish long and healthy relationships, it is necessary to stay in touch and not to cover up the disagreements. “Couples should talk to each other with I language, not with you in an accusatory manner. When you do this, they should tend to share their own feelings as if I am very upset, and they should be able to develop a sense of friendship between couples.”he gave advice.

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