What are the secret rules that apply in an unhealthy family or make the family unhealthy? How do these rules affect family members and family order? In an unhealthy family, the rules are subconscious. These rules are confidential, not revealed. No one can argue with these rules.

Writer Ömer Baldık, a graduate of Boğaziçi University Guidance and Psychological Counseling, explains the answers to all these questions. Here are the rules that apply in an unhealthy family or make the family unhealthy:


The strong individual in the family, usually the father controls the feelings and thoughts of his wife and child. Therefore, weak individuals are always in fear when expressing their feelings and thoughts. Or they cannot express their feelings, they suppress it. They always have to anticipate what they are going to say. Spontaneous behavior is bad, unforgivable. There is no health and trust environment in such families.


A person is expected to be perfect in every job done and every exam taken. Everything is for show, done for someone else’s liking. Perfectionism states that one’s own truth has no value and that one’s own thinking and evaluation is unimportant. The basic emotion of a child who grows up in this environment is hopelessness. He finds himself worthless and inadequate.


Blaming is the result of not accepting things as they are. Constructs arise from accusations, the notion that everything must be under control and perfect. This situation creates a feeling of anxiety and shame in the person.

5 denial of basic freedom

In an unhealthy family, the naturally developed perceptions, feelings, thoughts, behaviors, desires and goals are denied: Perfectionist, perceiving, feeling, thinking, behaving, desiring and aiming as others expect of you, according to the rules.” This causes the person to deny his own reality. Thus, the person is completely dependent on the outside, disconnected from his inner world, and lives like a robot. Such a person cannot be happy.

Prohibition of speaking

In an unhealthy family, especially children are not allowed to express their feelings and thoughts. This situation causes feelings of worthlessness in children.

Continuation of resentment and resentment

Continuing resentment and resentment in the family prevents people from understanding each other and solving the problem.

Don’t trust anyone

In an unhealthy family, no one trusts anyone. In fact, although there seems to be trust, there is basically distrust. A person who grows up in an unhealthy family believes that no one can help him because he does not receive respect and true love from anyone. For those who want to help, “There is definitely an afterthought, there is an interest.” he thinks. People who grow up in unhealthy families do not have self-confidence. These people are usually externally controlled individuals.

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