With the emergence of some problems in happy marriages, the foundation begins to shake. Marriage therapists stated that in order to produce solutions to problems by preserving this basis and to continue happy marriages in a healthy way, it is necessary to act together, not alone, in the face of problems. So what are the main problems in marriage? How should problems in marriage be approached?
Marriage is a matter of two different people coming together under one roof, lovingly and legally, to start a family. Couples say “yes” with great love and excitement so that it will last a lifetime, both mentally and physically, and the story begins. But then unexpected problems and problems may arise. The fact that the parties are seen as the source of problems in marriage, and the other acts as a victim, makes things more difficult. Experts, who said that there were too many divorces as a result of this incident, also stated that a teamwork should be done away from selfishness on the subject. Experts stated that every small issue should be discussed before the problems grow and progress like a snowball, and that a solution approach is the best behavior.
WHAT ARE THE MAIN PROBLEMS THAT CAUSE THE MARRIAGE TO END?
WRONG STATEMENT AND BEHAVIORS
In general, it is the wrong attitudes and behaviors of couples towards each other that cause the marriage to end. Underlining, expert family couple therapists stated that the first mistake was judgmental style and behavior. It was explained that constantly looking for the fault on the other side and as a result, constantly criticizing and comparing with others is a situation that undermines the foundation and trust of the relationship.
“YOU” INSTEAD OF “ME”
Experts second He stated that the problem was using the word “you” instead of the word “I”. For example, instead of interpreting the effect of the behavior, as in the expression “I’m sorry you acted like this” instead of “you always make me sad because of your mother”, defending with approaches targeting personality/values is among the issues that cause turmoil in marriage. Being unnecessarily defensive and speaking your language can put you in an unfair position.
Humiliation and contempt, usually of married couples It covers the phrases that they miss or deliberately say in times of anger. Experts explaining the harm of sarcastic, sarcastic and seeing oneself superior to one’s spouse, explained that marriage is one of the most basic mistakes of the relationship. In these cases, getting away from the environment or staying calm can be the most saving event of the situation.
CUT OF COMMUNICATION
One of the most dangerous situations Experts who stated that the communication was cut off and the wall was built. This situation informed the other party that “I don’t care, you are worthless” perception.
HOW TO APPROACH PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE?
Couples who do not know the negotiation techniques lose healthy communication and then the relationship, as the speed of these short conversations in marriage is very high. Emphasizing the importance of knowing why to listen first and then shut up, experts emphasized that instead of acting in anger, speaking and remaining calm, being aware of the fact that everyone can make mistakes, and being afraid of breaking a heart, it is of great importance. Therefore, family therapists and experts, who stated that changing the perception that caused the problem would be the main issue, were told that being right does not have any benefit in marital happiness. In this case, a solution should be sought sincerely. For unresolved problems, it was explained that he should seek support from a family couple therapist for the examination of personality differences and behavior pattern.